David Icke Claims Tories and Royals are ‘Troll Faces’ in Human Form

David Icke, self styled truth-seeker and son of God, has revealed in a new book that he believes Conservative MPs and members of the royal family are not human after all but comedy troll faces masquerading as humans.

Icke’s book, titled The Rage Face Agenda, claims that the Tories and royals are alien creatures evolved from early 2000s memes who cover their true identity by adopting human-like forms.

Icke has been banned from most social media platforms for saying stuff

The conspiracy theorist, who was recently falsely accused of claiming a link between 5G phone towers and the coronavirus and whose previous investigations into members of the elite and the royal family have resulted in efforts to ban him from online platforms, says the human-like disguises sometimes slip on-camera revealing the true nature of those who pretend to be people but are actually rage comic memes.

Other members of the conspiracy theory community have made similar claims, pointing to the behaviour of Tory MPs and royals as proof-positive that something unnatural is going on behind the scenes.

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Terry Lakeland, an active and vocal proponent of the Rage Comic Agenda said, “you only need to look at some of the things these characters say. Boris Johnson slipped up in a recent press briefing when he asked an Independent reporter ‘U mad bro?’ before asking him ‘U forever alone brah?'”

Michael Gove, whom Icke says is actually the Y U No rage face disguised as a human-gerbil hybrid, reportedly let his mask slip during an interview with Guardian journalist Rachel Simms. Rachel said:

“I asked Gove about Cummings breaching lock down to go to Durham and Gove turned into this weird black and white rage face. He bunched his tiny stick-figure fists and yelled ‘Y U No ask me about something else!’ – seconds later he turned back into that paunchy little hamster faced thing which, I assume, is the alien creature’s idea of a human.”

Y U No Gove? – ‘uncanny resemblance’

Gove and Johnson are not the only ones accused of walking the Earth in the guise of human beings. In 2018, Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg – who many said could not possibly be human even before the rage face conspiracy theory arose – accidentally let his false appearance slip and revealed himself as the hooting LOL rage face during a Conservative party conference.

A member of the audience, who asked not to be named, said “Rees-Mogg was telling a rather ribald whimsy about Nanny and her propensity to sacrifice black servants to the eldritch god, Nyarlathotep, when he laughed a little too hard at his own superior wit and changed before our eyes.”

“He was no longer the snot-faced Lord Snooty we all know and love but some kind of badly drawn MS Paint cartoon with a bizarre howling mouth and bulging eyes. All he could say was, LOL. The moment passed quite swiftly, but we were all left rather stunned.”

Jacob Rees-Mogg lost his shit and revealed his true meme-based nature

Icke claims that Her Majesty the Queen of England is actually none other than Facepalm Picard, a meme usually used in response to extraordinarily stupid remarks and behaviour, while Prince Andrew is really ‘Me Gusta Creepy’ and Prince Charles is actually ‘Haters Gonna Hate Troll Dance’.

The book adjusts Icke’s previous claim that the elite and royals were dinosaur descendants known as reptoids dressed up in human flesh in a bid to take over the world and swallow the souls of children. Icke said:

“I was a bit half baked with that theory. I did a lot of research on Youtube and by staring out the window in deep thought and reached some conclusions that I now realise were not necessarily as true as I would have liked.”

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“However, I am absolutely 100% convinced in this latest crackpot theory because all the evidence points to the same incontrovertible conclusion – that the elites and royals are reaction memes hidden under badly made human body-suits and masks. Like, really badly made. Almost ridiculously badly made in most cases.”

The British government have refuted the allegations, with Rishi Sunak today saying, “herp derp.”

A spokesperson for the royal family, meanwhile, said of the book, “too long, didn’t read lol.”

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