Stormtrooper Starmer Bashes Blonde Bonehead Boris on Budget Blunder

Keir Starmer, stalwart stormtrooper of the Centric People’s Front of Great Britain, has blamed dumb blonde and blithering birdbrain Boris over the notable absence of a July budget in July.

In a literal litany of alliteration, the Daily Shunt can report that superhero ‘savage salvo of sophistry and killer comebacks’ Keir Starmer – whose OMGs at PMQs have left Bozo Boris bruised, battered and begging for mercy – said:

“It’s staggering that in light of the economic crisis that is about to descend upon us that we are not having a July budget that puts jobs at the centre of economic recovery.”

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Sagacious stanchion and straight speaker Starmer also belligerently berated butthead Boris over scheduled school restarts in September, saying the government were ‘asleep at the wheel’.

Speaking to Sky News, ‘sharp-as-a-syringe Starmer’ said: “There has been a total lack of planning. From the day the schools were shut down, it was obvious what needed to happen to get them back open again.

“You needed a risk assessment, and you needed to look at the space. I’ve talked to loads of headteachers, and the points they have made to me were obvious and practical and could have been overcome.”

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Meanwhile, blinkered bigot Boris ‘Blowhard’ Johnson jabbered jargon and jingoistic junk when he said an inquiry into his government’s governing of Coronavirus ghastliness was not going forward.

In a transparent tactic as toothless as tinpot Track & Trace technology, Johnson said, “I happen to think that the moment is not right now, in the middle of really getting things going, still dealing with the pandemic, when everybody is flat out.”

The PM with big ADHD low IQ, small PeePee and permanent BHD¹, said AIIC² AGH³, adding “but we are learning lessons the whole time and we obviously will draw the right conclusions for the future.”

At the weekend reporters wrote with relish of an upcoming movie celebrating certifiable shmuck Boris’s behaviour during the Rona, with protesters and promulgators calling the project a propaganda program likely to re-paint the PM’s part in the crisis.

Political pundit, amateur alliteration admirer and journalistic lyricist Dave Halpin said, “Boris bemoans a broad… er… biopsy of his handling of the whole horrendous Coronavirus… er… calamity, but gives the go-ahead with glee to the making of a mainstream movie which will… er… mythologise his… some poignant propaganda for the people… er… look, can I just talk normally or have a thesaurus or something? I doubt anyone has read this far anyway.”

¹Bad Hair Day
²As if I Care
³Ain’t Gonna Happen

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