British Demand New Referendum Vote on Independence From Ing-er-land

The British public have demanded a new referendum vote on whether or not to stay part of the country many are now referring to as Ing-er-land.

Those calling for the controversial referendum say they want independence from those who have misappropriated the notion of ‘being British’ and the formation of a new ‘country within a country’.

Spokesman for the movement, political activist Barry Bethesda, said, “we don’t want to leave the country we love, but the country we love has been taken over by right wing fascist knuckle-draggers. Being English now means being associated with racism, football thuggery, bad spelling and Boris Johnson.”

The face (and belly) of modern Ing-er-land. The British public say they no longer want to be represented by such ‘paragons of Englishness’

Many have joined Bethesda’s call for independence from Ing-er-land, saying that the very name of the nation has been despoiled by bald-headed gammons draped in the St George flag while claiming to be representatives of the country.

Tanya Grace, an outspoken champion of the new referendum said, “we propose Britain be divided into two countries. One will be Britain and the other will be Ing-er-land.”

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“Britain will remain in the EU and will be led by politicians who aren’t a bunch of cretins with the social conscience of Jeffrey Dahmer. Ing-er-land will be led by Dominic Cummings probably and can pretty much do what it wants provided it doesn’t shit on any more British culture.”

Proponents of the new country say they wish to keep the Union flag (which hasn’t yet been entirely sullied and still, just about, stands for something) while Ing-er-land can have the St George flag, Wetherspoons, Katy Hopkins, The Daily Mail, Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson, Tommy Robinson, the Tory cabinet and all the far-right football hooligans who can’t spell (not to be confused with the Tory cabinet).

The EDL will be required to change their name to IDL and Britain First will become Ing-er-land Furst. The changes are not expected to impact members, most of whom can’t read or write

Bethesda said, “imagine a Britain where inclusivity, the needs of the people and actual sensible politics are all top of the agenda. Citizenship will depend on one or two things. The first will be not being an elitist business-owning twat, so Alan Sugar, Richard Branson and Aaron Banks will need to fuck off. The second will be not being a nationalist asshole obsessed with ‘unelected bureaucrats in Brussels’, blue passports and ‘stachews’.”

“Oh, and if you read the Sun on a regular basis I’m afraid that’s also going to be a mark against you. Obviously, if you write for the Sun, you’ve got no chance.”

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Grace explained. “We’re not saying this in a racist way, but Ing-er-landers are a bunch of utter wankspots and need to go back where they came from, which is Ing-er-land.”

“The reason that’s not racist is that to qualify as a race you need to be involved in the ‘human race’ and these people haven’t even gotten past the start line yet. Most of them are passed out drunk behind the start line.”

“Britain and true British patriots (because, you know, patriotism shouldn’t be a dirty word – it’s okay to be proud of your country and not an utter toss-burger at the same time) will no longer tolerate the butchery of its culture, economy and security by neanderthals with all the personality of the ‘turd that won’t flush’.”

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The British government today denounced the idea of another independence referendum, but the British public said they didn’t care what the British government denounced or didn’t denounce any more.

Twitter user Malcolm Grey said, “the Tories may be the elected party, but they’re not a government. I don’t know exactly what they are – some kind of sub-human Satanic experiment gone wrong perhaps? Suffice to say they don’t get a say anymore. Sorry. They just don’t. Constitution or no constitution, it’s time to take back control. Properly this time.”

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