Boris Says Being Rear-Ended ‘Brought Back Fond Memories of Eton’

The British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, was today involved in a minor collision caused when a protester ran into the road, forcing the PM’s driver to slam on the brakes. A security detail driving behind were unable to stop in time and a collision occurred. Nobody was hurt in the incident.

Johnson said that the event brought back memories of a similar time when he was involved in a minor road traffic accident while studying at Eton.

Two witnesses caught on camera watched in horror as the accident unfolded.

Boris recounted the accident, which occurred at the famous British private school. “Me and one of the professors got tied up during an after-school session and I needed to get off so he asked his assistant to give me a ride. We were then rear-ended by one of the other professors who, I remember, was a master debater.”

Up the rear – a policeman goes down on a member (of the public)

The Prime Minister described the most recent car crash as ‘unprecedented’ and went on to say that he and the government were doing their best to cope at a difficult time.

The PM then moved on from the topic of Brexit and the Coronavirus crisis and answered questions instead about today’s road traffic accident.

A spokesman said, “it was just a little shunt. It left the PM’s rear in a bit of a mess and the unexpected surprise from behind wasn’t at all what Boris was expecting, but he’s okay.”

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The accident happened as the Prime Minister and his security team were leaving Parliament after Prime Minister’s Questions in which the opposition Labour leader had grilled Johnson over his government’s handling of the free school-meals issue.

The spokesman said, “a protester exposed himself and the men behind the PM drove hard and fast into his back side. Boris had a stiff hammering from Keir Starmer and was only just getting over that when these security guys came into him from behind.”

The spokesman added, “the security team will almost certainly get a good seeing to by the Prime Minister. It was very unprofessional of them to get so far up his rear.”

A mechanic who examined the damaged vehicle said, “I needed to do some repairs. The tow bar was dangling and the boot was dented. I said to my assistant, ‘the Prime Minister’s knob is going to come off any second’ and then it did come off. That’s not something you see every day.”

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