Football Lads Declare Gammonfest 2020 Huge Success

The Football Lads Association have declared Gammonfest Saturday a huge success, saying a day out of lock down in ‘that London’ did wonders for their anger-management.

The festival, celebrating all things gammon, saw thousands of the whitest and angriest men and women in the country descend on London with Aldi shopping bags filled with cheap lager anticipating the grandest of grand days out.

Roaming through the capital in vast, intimidating gangs comprised of uncountable bald heads, some of the worst tattoos ever to indelibly mark flesh and England shirts by the dozen, the FLA only manage to amass a collective IQ of 92 despite being legion.

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As members of the association largely ignored the memorials they had come to protect, denounced violent Black Lives Matter protesters by engaging in violence and became increasingly drunk, some among them were asking if Gammonfest should become a regular away-day fixture.

Members of the Association – an unofficial group of football hooligans masquerading as fans – were angered when BLM protesters defaced a statue of Winston Churchill, a Prime Minister who has been lauded for defeating Nazi Germany in World War 2. To show their respect, protesters threw Nazi salutes, hurled bottle and cans and urinated on British monuments.

A protester relieves himself on the memorial of PC Keith Palmer who died protecting Parliament from a terror attack in 2017. 

Earlier in the day, activist Tommy Robinson and his supporters gathered in Whitehall to “protect” statues from possible vandalism by anti-racism demonstrators. Robinson, who has been out of prison for only a few months, was recently charged with assault for which he is awaiting trial.

Last week Robinson – a dumbed-down Enoch Powell for his generation – rallied supporters while showing distinct signs of being ‘coke-addled’, slurring his words, ranting and making incoherent comments about a ‘made in China’ T-shirt he’d chosen to wear for the video.

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Robinson, who has increasingly become the thuggish face of British nationalism, said he expected all ‘football lads’ who ‘care about their country, history, culture and identity’ to be in London today. He went on to refer to Black Lives Matter protesters as ‘assholes’ and ‘scumbags’.

The BLM protests gained momentum in the UK recently when similar demonstrations and riots in America followed the slaying of George Floyd by racist cops.

Minority British citizens have been trying to highlight inequality in Britain using peaceful protests, but last week violence broke out and some monuments, including the statue of Winston Churchill, were targeted by vandals. Police were injured in clashes, resulting in widespread condemnation and a backward step for the movement.

A 5pm curfew has been imposed in London after which arrests may be made if protesters refuse to leave the streets. The police have been gathering in large numbers since 5pm came and went, poised to clear the capital of both BLM and anti-anti-racist demonstrators.

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