Coronavirus Agrees to Put Global Pandemic on Hold During Riots

Covid-19, the virus at the centre of a controversial worldwide pandemic, has reached an agreement with the American and Chinese public to pause its attempt at global domination while race and inequality issues are ‘sorted out’.

As millions took to the streets of America’s major metropolitan centres this week to protest police brutality and inequality, the Coronavirus released a statement saying ‘this is no fun. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Where’s the sport in it?’

Protests in the US have taken precedence over not dying from a respiratory illness

At the same time, pro-democracy demonstrators have taken to the streets of Hong Kong in their thousands to protest human rights abuses by the Chinese government, while countries across the world also saw citizens taking to the streets to show their support for the US Black Lives Matter protests.

Social distancing has not been observed during any of the protests, raising concerns for an unprecedented second wave pandemic in the next few weeks.

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Scientists and political activists met with the virus at the weekend to discuss the possibility of a respite in the infection and death rate. Wayne Darcy, a demonstrator from Detroit Michigan, said:

“We wanted to put our case to the Rona so that rioters can loot safely and cops can shoot them without the added worry of catching a deadly disease. The virus was very understanding and said it would pause its attempt to wipe out human civilisation and let us have a go instead.”

However, several attendees of the meeting were concerned when they noticed the Coronavirus winking and crossing its fingers while agreeing to relax infection rates.

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In a statement today, Covid-19 said, “it doesn’t matter to me and my progeny whether you’re a gun toting, straw chewing dude from the wilds of Virginia with white skin, a gun toting, gum chewing dude from the wilds of Chicago with black skin, a Chinese pro-democracy activist or a scumbag government oppressor. I’m colour blind when it comes to flesh bags.”

The virus added, “yeah, sure. I’ll hang back a while and let things slide for a few weeks. But only because I’m mildly amused. I’ll concentrate my efforts on the British parliament instead. They’re really asking for it. This one guy, Alok Sharma… ah, wait. No spoilers.”

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