Britain had the highest Coronavirus death toll in Europe at the peak of the crisis, a Guardian statistical analysis has shown. Brexiteers across the nation today celebrated being number one in Europe at last by cracking open cans of Fosters and getting tattoos.
Dave Gaunt, an avid Brexiteer who voted to leave in the 2016 referendum, then voted for the Conservatives in the 2019 election, said, “take that Brussels! Britain number one in Europe and we’re not even in the EU anymore (sort of). The boy Boris done us proud.”
The Guardian study found that the UK had the biggest spike compared with all other European countries, including Sweden, France, Germany and Spain. At its peak the UK death toll was more than double that of an average week for the same time of year.
A government spokesman said, “I think the figures speak for themselves. We worked very hard to get this top spot and we did it without the help of unelected bureaucrats (apart from Dominic Cummings). We got Coronavirus done. And, in a month or so, we’ll have to get it done again probably.”
Members of the English Defence League took to the streets today to celebrate the number one position, with member Gavin ‘The Puke’ Stoat, saying “we took back control and did Coronavirus our way. No response to Covid 19 is better than a bad response. Coronavirus means Coronavirus and Herd Immunity means Herd Immunity. It was the will of the people.”
The news – which most sane members of the British public agree, is far from admirable – comes after an ITV report revealing as many as 1800 elderly patients infected with Coronavirus were returned to care homes during the crisis.
The policy of discharging elderly and vulnerable patients still infected with Covid-19 is being blamed for a dramatic surge in care home fatalities, a matter which almost certainly contributed to the increased spike in national deaths.