Boris Johnson Finally Makes Decision on Cummings – Insists British Public Resign

Boris Johnson was forced to come to a decision on the Dominic Cummings debacle today when more than 900,000 people signed a petition demanding the political adviser be sacked.

Johnson told the British public in a press briefing today that he now had no choice but to insist everyone in Britain resign so that he and Cummings can get on with the job of avoiding questions.

Johnson said, “this is only guidance, not law, but I expect everyone to use their instincts and do what’s right, just like Dommy Dom Dom did when he drove his family forty miles in a car to test if he was going blind or not.”

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Most of those who signed the petition today declared that they have no intention of resigning, but Tory MPs quickly leapt to Johnson’s aid and joined in calls for the entire country to quit their jobs and hang their heads in shame.

Michael Gove, who has been an outspoken supporter of Cummings since the scandal broke, said:

“I should have resigned twenty times by now. Look at the mess I made of education. The British public should think about that and do the right thing by resigning.”

Matt Hancock, who this week tried to release a testing system early in order to distract the press from the ‘story that won’t die’ agreed with the Prime Minister:

“If any of us in the cabinet had the slightest shred of decency, we’d resign tomorrow. The British public should follow this hypothetical example by resigning immediately.”

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