Boris Johnson Accused of Visiting 500 Towns to Dump Kids at Grandparents

The UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, was today accused of following the example of his chief political adviser, Dominic Cummings, by travelling approximately 8000 miles and visiting 500 different British towns to dump his various offspring at their respective grandparents.

While Cummings is merely accused of travelling 200 miles to one town in order to put his own parents at risk of contracting the Coronavirus, Boris Johnson is believed to have journeyed at least 900 miles rounding up his progeny even before starting the exhaustive trip to grandparents’ homes.

A fraction of Boris Johnson’s seed posing for a rare photograph before lock down

A Number 10 insider said that Johnson hired a fleet of sixty National Express coaches to ferry his brood of children to their various destinations, adding:

“The trip was entirely justified. The Prime Minister was feeling very poorly and the knowledge that his illegitimate children were within the London city limits, where he might accidentally see them through the window, made him feel even worse. So he bussed them all to their grandparents.”

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Defending the Prime Minister’s alleged breach of his own lock down rules, a number of Tory sympathisers today pointed out that Johnson’s actions removed approximately 3.5% of young Londoners to other parts of the country, reducing pressure on hospitals in the capital.

Carl Jagger, a retired banker who voted Tory because his parents did, said, “the whole reason for the Nightingale hospital was in case Boris’s kids got sick. Thanks to the Prime Minister’s foresight the hospital was never needed.”

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