Boris/Hitler Comparisons Fall Flat as Insiders Reveal Boris Has ‘No Balls’

Tory critics on social media and in the news who have compared Boris Johnson and his government to Adolf Hitler and his nationalist fascists have been blown out of the water as a Number 10 insider reveals that Johnson has ‘no balls’ (one less than Hitler).

Hitler, the leader of the Nazi party, famously had only one testicle. The other is on permanent display in the Albert Hall after his mother cut it off when he was small.

Hitler, who famously had just the one plum

Boris Johnson, by comparison, has no balls. The news has come as a major blow to left wing revolutionaries who were hoping to string him up by them when lock down finally ended.

However, critics remain convinced that their Boris/Hitler comparisons are justified, pointing out that Hitler was also a ‘pathetic little racist’ who used propaganda, rampant nationalism, populism and unashamed bigotry to pander to the masses and get himself elected.

Jerard Bolz, a socialist and outspoken critic of the current government, said, “Hitler sent millions to the gas chambers.”

“Admittedly, Boris has only sent tens of thousands to the morgue by farting up his response to the Coronavirus, but he and his government are still culpable for hundreds of thousands of deaths resulting directly from austerity and draconian measures targeting the sick and disabled.”

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“When you also consider that Hitler was a horrible little fascist bigot who used a nationalistic mood in his country to promote a strategy of abject racism and self glorification, the comparison doesn’t look quite so convoluted after all.”

Fans of Johnson refute all claims that their leader is in any way misogynistic, bigoted or racist. However, one or two instances appear to contradict this claim:

  • 1995; Johnson calls the modern British male ‘useless’ and called single mothers “ill-raised, ignorant, aggressive and illegitimate,” advising men to “take control of their woman.”
  • 1999; Johnson decries national efforts to investigate historic acts of sexual assault and abuse.
  • 2000; Johnson denounces homosexuality.
  • 2002; Johnson describes Commonwealth citizens as, “flag-waving piccaninnies.”
  • In the same article, Johnson uses the term “watermelon smiles” to describe native African tribesmen.
  • 2003; Johnson mock the Chinese accent and Chinese cultural norms in a Spectator article.
  • 2004; says Jewish oligarchs are controlled by the media, calls Arabs “hook nosed”, uses the term “half-caste” and describes a black woman as “a mega-titted six footer.”
  • 2004; Johnson says Liverpudlians are ‘hooked on grief’ and that the Hillsborough tragedy was largely the fault of ‘drunken fans’.
  • 2006; Johnson says British women have been ‘gestapoed’ into the workforce, causing them to raise feral and criminal children.
  • 2006; Johnson reiterates his intention to persecute homosexuals in the military.
  • 2018; Johnson compares Muslim women to “bank robbers” and “letterboxes.”
  • 2019; (a sinister return to comments made a decade earlier) Johnson says money spent on investigating paedophilia has been ‘spaffed up the wall’.

Bolz admitted however, “Hitler only had one ball, and it was made of solid brass. Loathesome and depraved as the Fuhrer was, he never once hid in a fridge and there’s no record of him going on holiday when his Panzer divisions were storming across Europe.”

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Michael Gove (aka Goebbels) denounced the comparisons as ‘ridiculous’ and ‘insulting’.

Gove made the statement while streaming live from his home and standing in front of a bookshelf containing the works of holocaust-denier David Irving, the biography of Italian fascist, Benito Mussolini, and a book called The Bell Curve which claims IQ levels are directly related to ethnicity.

Shadow Chancellor David Lammy, one of those at the forefront of comparing the Tories with both the Nazi party of 1940s Germany and South African racists, defended his position, saying:

“We have, in Jacob Rees-Mogg [for example], someone who is happy to put onto his web pages the horrible, racist AfD [Alternative for Germany] party, a party that’s Islamophobic and on the far right.”

David Lammy – not really Boris Johnson’s favourite type of person for some reason

When it was put to Mr Lammy that he was saying Mr Rees-Mogg and former foreign secretary Boris Johnson are equivalent to Nazis, Mr Lammy said:

“Ask Boris Johnson why he’s hanging out with Steve Bannon.”

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