Gatwick was thrown into turmoil today when passengers and staff observed a UFO in the skies above the airport.
The object, which eye witnesses described as ‘cigar shaped with jutting objects to either side’ seemed to rise into the sky and appeared to originate from one of the airport’s runways.
Cathy Chamberlain, an air stewardess waiting to catch one of the few aircraft still flying to Paris, said, “we heard a low droning noise and looked through the terminal window to see this weird object rising into the sky. It was cross-shaped with what I can only describe as wings and a tail.”
The pilots of a Lufthansa flight approaching Gatwick at the time described the UFO as ‘moving at a similar speed to a commercial jet airliner, climbing as if from take-off and behaving in a way which was inconsistent with a ground vehicle, such as a car or lorry’.
Jenny Stemway, a UFOlogist who works in and around the Gatwick area, said of the sighting, “I’ve received multiple reports of UFOs in this region of the country and can offer no plausible explanation, other than to say the evidence points firmly to aliens planning an interstellar invasion of the Earth in order to harvest our pituitary glands or something.”
Sceptics of the UFO claim today denounced the sightings as nothing more than swamp gas and/or the Northern Lights, though mass hallucinations caused by a gas leak was not ruled out.
James Casgill, a phycisist teaching astrophysics at the University of the City of London said, “as per usual, all the nutjobs are claiming this is aliens when, actually, we’re most likely looking at some kind of atomic disturbance in the quantum foam.”
Psychic researcher, Gail Aberystwyth, mentioned the sighting in her Twitter feed, saying, “Nibiru is now in ascension and solar flares will soon begin to migrate beyond the spiritual event horizon of Khali. We are likely to see more inter-ethereal sightings as trans-pan-dimensional beings from the third quadrant migrate into our sphere of existence.”
Zecharia Sitchin, the world’s most renowned expert on ancient aliens and alien civilisations, was unavailable for comment today on account of being dead, but fans of the alien theorist, said that the Gatwick anomoly merely confirmed what Sitchin spent his entire life trying to prove.
Gareth Spool, founder of the International Organisation of Ancient Alien Proponents, said, “Sitchin told us that pre-deluvian gods were merely aliens bossing neanderthal man around and building pyramids for no other reason than they thought triangles were cool.”
“The latest appearance of alien spacecraft above Gatwick proves beyond all doubt that we are about to be enslaved and turned into genomic factories to feed the offspring of Sumerian deities who have long been absent from the Earthly realm.”
Felicity Turnbull, a conspiracy theorist from Hull, today said that she would not speak to the Daily Shunt or any press outlet, claiming “the media have been infiltrated by shadowy networks working for the alien mind-spawn. I won’t comment and I know that if I do you’ll send men in black round to my house to wipe my memory and kill my dog.”
Have you ever seen a UFO in real life, or were you at Gatwick when the alien invaders made their presence known? Let us know in the comments! Remember to include your name, address and a time you are most likely to be at home.