A government whistleblower has revealed to the Sunday Times that some of the ‘experts’ who attended early SAGE meetings included the Cenobite, Pinhead, some Daleks from Doctor Who and the Captain of the Vogon Constructor Fleet from the Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
The whistleblower, thought to themselves be a scientist on the SAGE member list, claims that all three were present during initial SAGE meetings which were held at the start of the Coronavirus outbreak. He went on to say that all three were vocal in supporting the government’s ‘herd immunity’ scheme.
In a Sunday Times article the whistleblower revealed:
- The Daleks wanted to rename herd immunity ‘extermination strategy’
- Pinhead advised sending infected elderly back to nursing homes in order to ‘maximise suffering’
- The Vogon Captain, Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, said it didn’t matter anyway as the Earth will soon be demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass.
The whistleblower said that all three SAGE members felt deeply uncomfortable to be in the same room as Dominic Cummings.
Other suspected members of SAGE who the whistleblower claims were present at some of the meetings, but subsequently omitted from lists released to the public included:
- Dan Dare’s arch nemesis, The Mekon
- Bond megalomaniac, Sir Hugo ‘Moonraker’ Drax
- Anti-He-Man antagonist, Skeletor
- Leader of the Decepticons, Megatron
- Arcadia group multi-billionaire, Sir Phillip Green.
Chief Political analyst at the Times, Jude Garroway, commented, saying:
“If true, this line up of despicable super-villains, uber-antagonists and evil scumbags is likely to prove controversial but may go some way to explaining the government’s initial strategy of attempting to murder almost everyone in the country in order to save the economy.”
Garroway added, “the alleged presence of Green is particularly horrifying.”
Francis Makepiece, a legal representative for the independent group ‘Executives for Government Transparency’ said, “Pinhead – the leader of a Hellish cult who worship pain – is known to hold shares in the company responsible for producing NHS Personal Protective Equipment, so this news suggests a shocking conflict of interest from the outset.”