The UK’s drinkersh are conshuming a lot more alcohol than ushual during lockdown, some expertsh have been shaying.
No, right. Sherioushly. Lishen. Becaushe we’re all on thish lock-down thingamijobby, the expertsh are shaying people are drinking more than they normally would and shometuuisniol, ssioeos, fucken keyboard won’t shtay shtill. Shometimesh people are drinking twishe ash musch as ushual!
Can you believe it?! Phew. That’sh a lot more that ish. Twishe ash musch ish almosht double!
Ishn’t it weird that I’m shlurring my text? Sheemsh odd that.
Anyway. Medicorl meedicul medical profeshenals profreshanuls, doctors have predicted a rishe in health problemsh related to alcoholololol (hehe) after the lock down ends.
Healthy living experrrt Rubert Hancock (heh he hand cock) said… hang on, jusht got to copy pashte thish bugger…
“The rising trend in alcohol consumption is likely to have a considerable knock on effect and we’ll see a lot more pressure on the NHS long after the Coronavirus is under control if we don’t address the issue now.”
Aw that’sh shad ishn’t it? I’m having a bit of a cry to be honesht. Nutshacks, I shpilled my drink. I will be right back. Shorry about thish. Jusht talk amongsht yourshelves for a minute.
Alright I am back. I forgot what I wash riting about. Oh yesh, alcohol. Well I’m a big fan and don’t sheeeeee anything rong with it ash long as you only drink in moderashun.
Sho there you have it everyone, my artikle about people are drinking too musch. Did you like it? I thort it shtarted well but then got a bit sherioush at the end. Thanksh a lot Hand Cock hahaha. And then it got good again at thish bit now.
Ed Balls ish a funny name too ishn’t it? You don’t shee musch of old Ed Ballsh theshe daysh. I wonder if he’sh doing panto.
Ooooh yesh he is! Oooooh no he ishn’t!
I knew shomeone called Alan Grape onshe. And I went to collige with someone called Michael Jackshon. He didn’t look like Michael Jaskon though. He wash very tall and had big hair and we called him Mushroom becaushe his hair made him look like a mushroom.
He ushed to wave out the window in English leshons and when the teacher ashked him who he wash waving at he would shay, ‘I’m jusht pretending I’ve got lotsh of friends’.
Funny bloke. Nishe though.
The end.
