Arthur Daley and Del Boy to Sue Nigel Farage For Copyright Infringement

Cockney wide boys Arthur Daley and Derek Trotter (Del Boy) have announced their intention to sue racist ‘plonker’ Nigel Farage for infringing on their character copyright.

Arthur Daley, who made his name as the star of TV’s Minder in the 70s and 80s, alongside his burly bodyguard, Terry McCann, has joined forces with Derek Trotter, famed as the star of the UK TV show Only Fools and Horses, to bring a court case against Farage who both personalities say has stolen their identity.

Del Boy, known for selling people shit they don’t need (cough*Brexit*cough)

Speaking from the bar of the Winchester, Daley said, “it’s a bleedin’ travesty. I invented the sheepskin overcoat wearing dimwitted cowardly money grubber smoking a cigar with fingers adorned in sovereign rings look. That upstart Farage has got another thing coming if he thinks he’ll get away with this. I’m quite exhausted with the stress. Feel my heart Terry. I’m not long for this world.”

Terry McCann, present at the time of the interview, said, “come on Arthur, what you on about. Farage is a slimy racist not a petty crook like you.”

Daley, taking obvious offence at the remark, gave what viewers have come to know as ‘the cow-eyed look’ and lit a cigar, “crook, Terrence? Crook? Me? I’ll have you know, I am an upstanding member of society. Just because I happen to take great pains to ensure my bread is buttered doesn’t make me a crook. Far from it. You just remember which side your bread’s buttered on an’ all my son.”

Arthur Daley – no return guarantees even if it breaks down (cough*Brexit*cough)

Derek Trotter, who lives in council high rise, Nelson Mandella House, with his brother Rodney (Plonker) and, at various times his grandfather, uncle (plonker), girlfriend and son, agreed with Daley in a recent interview with The Peckham Enquirer.

Wearing a sheepskin overcoat, black and white check flat cap, red polo neck jumper and smoking a cigar with fingers adorned in sovereign rings, Del Boy said, “as Macbeth said to Hamlet in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, ‘We’ve been done up like a right pair of kippers.'”

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Asked if he felt Farage’s latent racism was also inspired by his personality, Trotter responded with, “I’m very much in favour of the [censored]s. Leroy on the third floor did me a bang up deal on those gas cookers what mysteriously appeared in my flat last week. Anyway, it’s a well-known fact that 90 per cent of all foreign immigrationists come from abroad innit.”

Solicitors working for Daley and Trotter today released a statement saying, “our clients are bringing a joint action against Nigel Farage for defamation of character by way of copyright infringement. We demand Farage ceases all twattish cockney wide-boy behaviour immediately.”

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