Sleeping With Foot Outside the Duvet Increases Likelihood of Monsters by 75%

A new study by the scientific think tank, Eudoxa, has found that the odds of monsters increases by 75% if you sleep with your foot hanging outside the duvet.

The study revealed that monsters are much more likely to enter the bedroom in the dead of night and either bite the exposed foot or grab it and wrench the victim out of the bed (before then dismembering them) if both feet are not kept firmly under the covers.

Scientist and chief advisor at the Stockholm think tank, Christian Clewis, said:

“In a series of controlled studies we found that recklessly sleeping with a foot dangling over the edge of the mattress, just begging for a hideous night-time horror to crawl in and grab it, increased the odds of that happening by quite a wide margin.”

The study found that just seeing this image means you’ll be visited by the undead tonight

Other nocturnal activities which the study revealed might tempt monsters to attack included going to the bathroom without turning on all the lights, watching a late night horror movie and going downstairs for a glass of water at 2am.

“The advice is simple,” Clewis went on, “once in bed, stay in bed. Screw your eyes tightly shut and don’t, whatever you do, open them just to make sure a monster isn’t squatting by the bed staring at you. This just massively increases the likelihood that it is.”

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Other recommendations resulting from the study included using a quilt, duvet or other type of ‘snuggly’ covering as these are known to offer a high level of armoured protection against the razor sharp talons and inhuman strength of monsters.

Clewis added, “turning off lights is probably the biggest factor when it comes to inadvertently summoning horrific entities. If you switch off the light and plunge your bedroom into total darkness you should not be surprised if floating heads, shadow people and aliens appear.”

One of the monsters most likely to be tempted by an exposed foot and an image you should definitely not suddenly remember when you’re in bed tonight

Clewis suggested not falling asleep, jumping at every little noise and repeatedly switching on a mobile device to cast a greyish light around an otherwise pitch black room probably populated with grinning spectres and the spawn of Hell.

Above all, the study found, it is imperative not to be afraid. “Getting scared merely excites the monsters and makes their appearance even more likely. The more nervous a person is the more gruesome their untimely and gory death will be,” Clewis warned.

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“We found that 67% of people who got scared ended up being hacked to pieces, so remaining calm and not in any way winding oneself up is a good idea. However, this is no guarantee that a monster won’t drag you out of bed and rend your head from its spine then pop out your eyes and feast on the goo anyway.”

“Also,” Clewis added, “thinking a big hairy spider might be sitting on the wall above your head waiting for you to fall asleep so it can crawl all over your face actually makes that true, so don’t think that, whatever you do.”

2 comments

  1. We in New Jersey did not have this problem. However, we did have a monster in the ceiler of our house I never saw but know it was lurking there as a child. Lights helped keep it at bay but I was so thankful to be able to run up the stairs every time.
    Should I mention that “We found that 67% of people …” seems questionable?

    Like

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