Cutting your own hair during lock down? Getting your wife to give you a trim but the results look like you’ve headbutted a strimmer?
We’ve compiled seven dream celebrity haircuts which you can try on for size during self-isolation. And the beauty of this list is that you don’t need a Covent Garden salon to get that Rona-look.
7 The Chip Fat Friseur
Instead of letting your 8 year old daughter loose on those precious tresses, avoid the cutting process altogether by dunking your noodle in yesterday’s left over chip fat. Comb through for a look that’s shinier than a tin of B&Q gloss.
An added bonus to this minimum effort barnet is you are now fully waterproof!
6 The Hairy Bat
Go for that classic ‘I drive a Jaguar XF’ style, even if you can’t afford a Jaguar XF, by buzzing the sides of your head with a beard trimmer on setting 9 then sticking the top of your head in a food blender.
Remember to then stand on your head for at least ten minutes to create the perfect ‘hairy bat just run over by a tractor’ look.
5 The Good Girl Gone Mad
Whether you’re Britney Spears on the brink of a break-down or Miley Cyrus sticking her tongue out while riding a wrecking ball, this is one of the easiest hair-dos to achieve in a lock down situation.
A buzzcut would be too easy, so we suggest dunking your head in tar and allow to set. Yank the tar off and clumps of hair will be magically torn out, leaving you with a raw and bleeding cranium covered in ghoulish strands of lankness. Develop a thousand yard stare to complete that holocaust-survivor look of your dreams.
4 Business at the Front, Fun at the Back
Not only is this an easy ‘do’ to achieve but this crop is supposed to look awful, so even if you’ve never wielded a pair of hairdresser’s scissors before you’re guaranteed a great result.
Moreover, no need to worry about using a complicated array of mirrors to get to the back as the back takes care of itself.
3 The Nicotine Nightmare
Ever wanted to be in charge a country? Have no morals and a deluded sense of your own importance?
You don’t need to be a racist to sport this crazy do, but it helps. As worn by President Donald Trump and Prime Minister Boris Johnson.
2 The Pick Me Up And Pop Me Down
The best thing about this style is you don’t even need to cut a single strand. Simply drag everything up to the top of your head and secure in place with industrial strength hairbands.
The look you’re going for here is one that encourages people to grab you by the topknot, lift you up and put you somewhere else – probably somewhere nobody can see you.
See also: Council House Facelift
1 The Mental Morrissey
Such an easy and classic look to acquire, particularly during lock-down when the only person available to provide the trim is your near-sighted grandmother.
Made famous by emo crooner and racist Morrissey, this style requires a savage buzzcut to the sides and absolutely nothing done to the top. Extra marks if you use a razor and complete the look with little bits of tissue paper stuck to red dots.