The fabled Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs has been discovered by intrepid explorer, Sir Arthur Stewart, hidden behind his sofa along with the Sky remote and a rubber band.
Sir Stewart recently completed a gruelling trek across the Arctic to the North Pole and last year ventured into the Amazon jungle following the trail of Francisco de Orellana in search of the legendary city of Eldorado.
Constrained by lock-down restrictions and forced to limit his latest expedition to his own home, Sir Stewart sought the mythical Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs and found it yesterday evening behind his sofa along with the corpse of a dead spider and a Scrabble letter.
Sir Stewart today addressed the scientific and anthropological communities through a live stream, saying, “there were no dinosaurs in the Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs, but there was a Lego and an old Haribo.”
When asked what the Lost Valley looked like and how Sir Stewart managed to locate the ancient site behind his own sofa, the dauntless modern-day adventurer said,
“It looked like a section of carpet between the back of my sofa and the wall. The sofa and wall were both extremely dusty and covered in cobweb which limited visibility. I was looking for the remote and also I was very very drunk.”
A distinct lack of dinosaurs in the Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs did not derail the plucky explorer who told his peers,
“After all this time it should come as no surprise to learn that there were no dinosaurs. An extremely limited ecosystem within a limited area probably caused the ultimate extinction of those beasts rumoured to inhabit this part of the world as recently as the last century.”
Despite the setback, scientists and palaeontologists across the world hailed Sir Stewart’s find as ‘groundbreaking’ and ‘monumental’.
Fellow modern-day explorer Jack Gillis said, “once again Sir Stewart has paved the way for the rest of us by venturing into a region of our planet few would dare to go.”
“Within the ultimately hostile environment of behind his sofa, Sir Stewart has discovered a time capsule untouched by the hand of man and unlocked a veritable treasure trove of data which many in the scientific community will now be eager to examine.”
Scientist and lecturer in palaeontology at Harvard University, Professor Scott Harangue, said of the extraordinary find,
“This changes everything. I am not alone in being extremely keen to look at some of the relics Sir Stewart brought back from his incredible journey into the unknown. It could rewrite much of what we think we know about, not only the origins of the dinosaurs, but how they became extinct and also why Sir Stewart’s Scrabble board only ever had eight A’s instead of nine.”