Government: Ventilators No Longer a Priority Now Boris is ‘Out of the Woods’

A government insider has said that the Conservative party no longer feel an urgent need to acquire ventilators to tackle the Coronavirus pandemic as Prime Minister Boris Johnson and political adviser Dominic Cummings are now feeling much better.

The news comes after Twitter user @FlakMagnet, whose company makes electrical consumables revealed that his response to the government’s early call for manufacturers to build ventilators was ignored by senior ministers.

@FlakMagnet explained that he and his team had tried to contact the British government only to be met with bureaucracy and apparent indifference.

After a full week with no response, @FlakMagnet’s team were proactive in taking the issue to the government but were once again met with zero interest.

Though @Flakmagnet and his team managed finally to speak to a minister’s assistant, the line of enquiry died almost immediately. At around the same time, @FlakMagnet revealed that he and his company were offered functioning ventilators from a far-eastern supplier who knew the UK were in need.

But even the offer of working ventilators, ready to go straight onto hospital floors, failed to grab the government’s interest.

A Guardian news story has since reported that the government have covertly scrapped plans to acquire thousands of ventilators from Formula One Group.

The government claimed the ventilators built by Renault and the F1 Red Bull teams were ‘unsuitable’.

The government insider said, “now Boris and Dominic are out of the woods we don’t see much point in scrabbling around looking for ventilators. It turns out all we need to do is just not buy them and let people die. Nobody seems to care. Even the press are happy to turn a blind eye.”

The Prime Minister was, today, reported to be in good spirits and enjoying his recovery at the sprawling Chequers mansion where he’s said to be ‘catching up on three weeks worth of Pornhub videos.’

Our insider said, “we’ve had a coach load of homeless people bussed in for Boris to kick in the balls which cheered him up no end.”

“The extra time off has also given our great leader a chance to finalise his plans to tear down the NHS and replace it with a socially crippling private reform act which he’s calling ‘Project Corbyn Can Suck My Hairy Nutsack’.”

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