Fauci Insists, Trump Hasn’t Threatened to Pull my Fingernails Out With a Pair of Plyers

Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, who has been US President Donald Trump’s go-to adviser on the Coronavirus, today insisted that he had not been threatened in any way as he made a 360 degree turn on his view of the current crisis.

Speaking at a press conference, with the US President lurking menacingly in the background, Fauci insisted that the current administration had done everything right in their approach to the virus and specifically told the press that these were his own words and had nothing to do with threats to remove his genitalia with a rusty pickaxe.

Visibly eager to escape the podium, Fauci said, “these are my views,” despite saying just days earlier “you could logically say if you started mitigation earlier, you could have saved lives”.

Anthony Fauci inadvertently touches his own face during a Trump press conference

With the ‘Godfather in Chief’ loitering in the background, Fauci insisted the government had done all it could to address the Coronavirus crisis while looking very much like a startled deer caught in the headlights.

A Washington insider said, “we know where Fauci lives and we know his family are very dear to him. It would be terrible if some kind of terrorist atrocity were to befall him and everyone he cares about. We do everything we can to monitor terrorists in this country, but sometimes the odd character slips through the net, if you know what I mean.”

Fauci, who has despaired at Donald Trump’s repeated inability to accept his expert advice, has been at the forefront of the American fight against Covid 19 since the virus first landed on American shores.

With nearly 600,000 confirmed cases and more than 23,000 deaths attributed to the Coronavirus to date, the US has become an epicentre for the disease.

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Health expert Gerald Swabbling said, “it’s very strange that countries with right wing, self-mitigating governments are also the most hard-struck by this virus. While America leads the way, the UK – arguably the closest political example of American nationalism and right wing politics – comes second place for deaths and infections. Is it possible that the right and an inability to govern go hand in hand?”

Fauci insisted this is not the case today, telling reporters that he absolutely and with utter conviction is not in any way being coerced into supporting the President, though he did then slip a note to New York Times journalist Joe McKovesky which said, “please tell my wife I love her.”

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