Nigel Farage Reclassified as Virus

Nigel Farage, the dozy pro-Brexit Racist in Chief, has been reclassified as a virus by the World Health Organisation (WHO).

Farage, who rabble-roused a largely illiterate, uneducated and irrational section of the British public into supporting a UK exit from the European Union, was studied under laboratory conditions this week and deemed to be both ‘a viral agent’, a ‘health risk’ and a ‘complete and utter cockwomble’.

Incidences of Nigel Farage have grown exponentially since the 2016 Brexit referendum which saw a majority vote in favour of leaving the European Union.

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The WHO issued a statement, saying, “people should stay at home, wash their hands and have as many baths and showers as they can to try and scrub away the feeling that Farage exists on the same planet as them.”

Meanwhile the government continue to falter, dither and delay in their response to the Farage crisis as Nigel Farage remains able to move around freely and open his big gobshite mouth without getting repeatedly punched in the face or kicked in the gonads.

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“We believe the viral threat started in Nigel Farage’s brain,” a WHO health adviser said. “Instead of being satisfied with the fact that he’s literally Boycie from Only Fools and Horses, he went into politics and tried to make as much cash as humanly possible while simultaneously fucking up the entire country beyond all redemption.”

Fans of the revolting fucktard were outraged by the findings today, but were unable to voice their complaints due to lacking the ability to string even two words together that didn’t involve excessive swearing, allusions to Katie Price’s tits or ‘the blacks’.

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