Conservative Member of Parliament, Priti Patel came top spot in a GQ magazine reader’s poll as the MP men would most like to have hate sex with.
The voluptuous sex kitten MP, who has the looks and name of a fetishist pornstar but the personality of a drainpipe, came first place in the GQ poll, beating MP Penny Mordaunt, TV bunny boiler Carol Vorderman and Britain’s Got Talent judge and shrew, Amanda Holden.
The magazine asked readers to tell them which British public personality they would willingly have sex with but who would then cause them to feel suicidally disappointed in themselves afterward.
Reader Jason Geddes, who cast his vote in the poll, said, “sorry women and progressive left wingers everywhere, but Priti is fantasy material. Having said that, if I did bump fuzzies with her I’d be so thoroughly ashamed of myself on behalf of the country I’d probably hang myself from the nearest lamp post.”
Patel, who is known for her come-to-bed-eyes, busty figure and depraved lack of humanity, today hit the headlines as she told the British press she was ‘sorry some people feel that way’ on the subject of inadequate Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) for NHS staff, stopping short of dressing in kinky leather lingerie and brandishing a whip.
GQ reader, Max Mullen said, “she has all the compassion of terminal colon cancer but every man in this country can tell, just by looking at her that she’d be dynamite in bed. The downside to a weekend with Priti in a Travelodge and ten different types of dildo would obviously be the resulting spiral of self-hatred and drug addiction required to bury the shame.”
Jeremy Corbyn, who voted in the poll, told GQ, “I’ve had her actually. She’s absolute filth. We spent a long weekend in a Marriott in Portishead. She wore a Princess Leia slave outfit and pegged me with a two foot black strap-on. I’ll admit she showed me the time of my life but I’ve still got the physical and psychological scars to show it.”
Professor Jude Mitchum, a relationships and sex expert who teaches psychology at the University of Leicester, explained the phenomenon.
“Men are very basic animals. On the one hand they have principles, logic and morality. On the other hand they will drop all that for a tug job from Priti Patel. I wish I could tell you my academic background makes me immune, but I’d give my right arm to hide the sausage with the Secretary of State for International Development. Terrible isn’t it.”