The British public have applauded the selfless acts of members of the Royal family, such as Prince Charles, and Conservative MPs like Matt Hancock and Boris Johnson, who, without thought for their own safety, tested new Coronavirus testing kits prior to their mass use on key workers.
As the reliability of the tests were brought into question, altruistic members of the ruling and royal classes stepped up to the plate as guinea pigs, showing that not only underpaid nurses and doctors hauled back out of retirement can make a sacrifice.
After being positively diagnosed with Coronavirus, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care, Matt Hancock, emerged from isolation a day early (8 days earlier than WHO recommendations) to pick up the baton and lead the nation through a new week of infections, death and lock-down.
Without a thought for his own recovery, Hancock engaged in a number of meetings and appeared on BBC Question Time just 6 days after testing positive for Covid 19, showing that even MPs can show true mettle during a crisis.
The public, who are known to be more frail than the average Member of Parliament, were still urged to stay indoors for at least seven days if they contract the illness which has now claimed 2,961 lives in the UK.
Hancock said, “I only had mild symptoms and I’ve sprayed myself with Lynx Africa as per guidelines so I’m almost 99% sure I’m now fine. I needed to come out of quarantine because I’ve got to visit fifteen old peoples’ homes today to encourage staff to keep working.”
“I’m also hand delivering six boxes of PPE masks to the Nightingale Hospital which I knitted personally while in self-isolation. I mean, I knitted the masks, not the hospital. Wow. That would be a feat even for me.”
Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who has vanished off the face of the Earth since entering self-isolation following his own positive C19 test, is now believed to be dead or abducted by aliens.
Measures have already been taken to replace the British premier with suggestions ranging from a deflated football covered in dog shit to a rancid pumpkin Jeremy Hunt’s kids carved last Halloween.
“The replacement will be put on the press conference podium and Michael Gove will crouch down where he can’t be seen and try to mimic Johnson’s voice,” designated survivor Dominic Raab told a newspaper today.
“Really I should be getting the job but the cabinet don’t think I’m ready. They said I can only step in and lead the country when I can recite the alphabet without fucking up.”
“I’m up to J but I keep getting it mixed up with K. Those two letters sound very similar, don’t you think? I don’t know how K J Rowling gets through her day. Have you read Harry Potter? I think I might be a wizard. If it turns out that I am my wand will be willow with a unicorn tail core.”