Insider Working on New Dyson Ventilator Says ‘They Suck’

An engineer whistleblower working for the Dyson factory charged with making medical ventilators to combat the Coronavirus has revealed ‘they suck’.

The anonymous whistleblower said, “they are not great. If you press the wrong button they come apart in twenty different pieces and it’s very difficult to put them back together. There are about ten different attachments but you’d need a metaphysics degree to work out what they’re supposed to do. I will say, in their favour, they look very nice. Lots of shiny plastic and the marketing department are doing a great job on branding.”

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Asked if the new ventilators will be capable of addressing the shortfall needed to treat those expected to fall ill during the peak of the virus, the whistleblower said, “they’re mainly going to be moderately useful at picking up cat hairs.”

Numerous British engineering firms who have been excluded from the so-called ‘consolidation’ of large firms recruited to build the desperately needed ventilators have voiced dismay, claiming the government are only asking big businesses known to be Conservative party donors.

Those firms given contracts thus far include Dyson, Vauxhall, Airbus, Rolls-Royce and JCB. While the government have previously claimed they will need 30,000 units to deal with the expected rise in C19 emergency cases, they have so far only acquired 30, saying ‘many hundreds more will be made in the coming weeks’.

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