Britain is set to see an overwhelming explosion in the number of ukulele players, vloggers and people who are now expert in using Zoom as soon as the Coronavirus lock-down is over, a leading expert warned today.
“People who, last week, hadn’t even heard of Zoom, are now zen masters, while instances of people who realised they can get their daily fix of attention by posting vlogs of their miserably dull existence have gone through the roof,” Professor Rick Layman told the Daily Shunt.
A ukulele, sitar and mouth organ salesman in Cheshire reported more sales in the last week than the entire calendar year so far.
“It’s been crazy. We can’t keep up with demand. Luckily I still have a few accordians and medieval lutes to shift, but once they’re gone I’m closing up shop and going home.”
The people of East Retford were placed under martial law last night after Derek Byars refused to stop practising the drums and the proverbial dam burst. Sixty five people, most elderly retired, were arrested by riot police and charged with causing affray.
The army was mobilised and tasked with patrolling the streets, but three military servicemen were consequently court martialed after they threatened to “smash Byars’ head in” if he didn’t stop drumming.