Government ‘Not Interested’ in Seth Brundle’s Groundbreaking Ventilator

Seth Brundle, an American inventor, has voiced his disappointment that a contract for thousands of medical ventilators will be going to British engineering firm Dyson and not to him.

Brundle, a 30 year old inventor, has created a ventilator which, he claims, offers a new and groundbreaking solution to the current problems facing the NHS. “It will change the world,” he told a prominent newspaper yesterday.

The device, which weighs around a ton and which Brundle refers to as a ‘telepod’, has been criticised by others in the engineering community for its impractical design, weight and drain on the national power grid.

Seth Brundle told reporters his ventilator will ‘change the world’

In an interview, Brundle said “I’ve been building inventions ever since I was a kid. I made the Thunderbirds island model off Blue Peter and was hooked. Ever since then I’ve been finding solutions to the world’s problems and patenting my designs. So far none have taken off, but that’s only because they wouldn’t let me on Dragon’s Den. It’s all a conspiracy to keep the money in the pockets of the wealthy elite.”

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The innovative ventilator, which Brundle claims to have tested himself, has a core mechanism built from empty toilet rolls and sticky backed plastic. “There were a few teething problems with the prototype,” the inventor admitted. “But I’m confident I’ve ironed out the issues.”

Veronica Quaife, Brundle’s girlfriend, said, “he’s always tinkering in his laboratory. He’s in there most days, hammering and sawing. But I’ve become a bit worried about him lately. He works too hard and doesn’t get the recognition he deserves. It causes him a lot of stress.”

Veronica Quaife ‘worried’ about Brundle’s state of mind

Chief Medical Advisor, Chris Whitty said, “we decided not to offer Seth Brundle a contract for ventilators. We have several prominent British firms working on this and we’re confident we’ll have more than enough when the curve peaks in eleven to twelve weeks.”

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Whitty went on to say, “we felt Brundle’s design was not practical and were a bit concerned by the way the device breaks patients down into their constituent molecules then transfers them across spatial distances. We were looking for something that helps sufferers of the Coronavirus breathe if they have respiratory problems, rather than a revolutionary teleportation device that will change the world.”

Quaife reported that she and Brundle were in self-isolation yesterday after the inventor contracted what Quaife suspects may be the virus itself. “He’s been looking very unwell for a while. His teeth started falling out last week and he now vomits on his food then sucks up the resulting ooze with a straw. No sign of a cough, headache or fever yet, but we’re staying at home for two weeks and practising social distancing just to be on the safe side.”

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