Celebrities Urge UK Public ‘Stay in Your Mansions!’

Celebrities up and down the country have been doing their bit in the fight against the Coronavirus by urging the general public to ‘stay in their mansions’ and giving invaluable advice on ways to beat the isolation blues.

Holly Willoughby, who presents daytime TV with fellow multi-millionaire, Phillip Schofield, said, “we must all do our bit to help those who work tirelessly in the NHS to battle this virus.” She suggested people beat the boredom by ‘moving around at home’ as much as possible.

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“Don’t just stay in one room. Spend some time in your private pool. Visit a room you’ve never been to before. If you must go out, take the helicopter.”

Holly Willoughby – using the time to organise her diamond collections by size

Cold Play’s Chris Martin, who lives in a gold clad pyramid in Henley on Thames, said, “self isolate, people. I’ve sent most of my maids home and I’ve really pared down my harem. If I can do it, you can too!”

Famous ginger, Ed Sheeran said, “we celebrities must lead by example. People must stay at home to flatten the curve. If it gets boring, why not record a new album in your private recording studio, or go for a long walk in the east wing?”

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Kate Winslet, who has chosen to self-isolate in one of the six properties she owns in Cornwall, said, “the message must be heard. Stay at home. Why not use the time to look out of your window at the incredible sea-view, or take a hike through a part of the garden you haven’t explored yet. Remember to take a backpack with sandwiches.”

Kate Winslet – “choose which house you self-isolate in wisely”

Keith Flaggon, a 46 year old plasterer who lives with his wife and six children in a council flat in Gateshead, said, “thank goodness for celebrities and their selfless message to stay at home. If multi-millionaire Peter Andre hadn’t released that Youtube video I’d be out there right now putting thousands of lives at risk.”

Andre, who’s been keeping a vlog journal of his own self-isolation experience which he streams live on Youtube, scared fans on Tuesday when he got lost in his Sevenoaks mansion. “I set off to find a bathroom I haven’t used before. I heard a rumour that it’s got gold taps. All my other bathrooms have got gold taps, so I thought, hey Pete, the rumours might be true but there’s only one way to find out for sure.”

Peter Andre – fears hair salons will be closed for months

“It was pretty frightening for a while there,” Janice Butcher, a single mother of three from Ormskirk who watched the live stream told the Daily Shunt, “you could see the terror on poor Peter’s face. He was lost for about five hours but eventually managed to find a hallway he recognised.”

Simon Cowell, who owns just twelve houses in Windsor, told his fans, “get your PA to order an ex-Nasa spacesuit. That’s what I’ve done. I wear it to Waitrose. Well, I wear it while I sit in the Bentley in Waitrose car park while my PA does the shopping. She takes her sweet time too.”

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Fellow X-Factor judge, Cheryl Cole, was one of the first to tell fans to stay at home following the Prime Minister’s lock-down announcement last Monday, Tweeting, “it’s weird seeing everywhere deserted, like. There’s a road at the end of my driveway and, if I look through binoculars, I can’t see no cars driving past. Everyone must play their part to defeat this horrible virus. Stay at home!”

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