Johnson in Isolation, Acting Prime Minister Reassures Country

As Number 10 today revealed that Boris Johnson has contracted the Coronavirus and will be self-isolating with ‘mild symptoms’ Larry the cat, a long time resident of Number 10 and ‘Designated Survivor’ in the event of a discontinuation of government, reassured the nation in an impromptu press conference.

The new acting Prime Minister proceeded to outline his plans going forward for the unfolding Coronavirus crisis in a series of yowls, meowing and self-grooming.

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New policies have subsequently been introduced, replacing some of those established by the former administration, though some previous polices remain unchanged.

  • Stay isolated and avoid all social contact.
  • Wash not only the hands regularly, but the whole body using the tongue.
  • Naps are recommended at least twelve times a day.
  • A show of celebration for selfless NHS workers will now take place every night at 2am with a series of shrieks and strange mewling sounds instead of clapping.

A government spokesperson revealed that so far Larry has been trying to ‘relax himself into the role of Prime Minister’ by taking a series of naps followed by a brief period of insanely chasing his own tail.

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“We tried to give our new cabinet leader a presentation outlining the current situation, but Jeremy Hunt used a laser pointer on the whiteboard and the Prime Minister went a bit mental.”

As Britain approaches the end of its first week under lock-down the British public were left wondering what the next week will bring, with thousands now infected across the country, including the heir to the throne and the Prime Minister himself.

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