The internet was invented by the Advanced Research Projects Agency (ARPA) in the 1960s as a way to look at pictures of cats and was originally going to be called the Intercat.
Sharing pictures and videos of cats remains one of the only reasons to keep the internet going and is today a multi-billion dollar industry, with countless automated servers across the world working tirelessly and around the clock to ensure cat pictures can be accessed at any time.
But the human love affair with cats is a little odd when you think about it because, really, cats are just a massive bunch of jerks.
We’ve compiled ten pictures from around the World Wide Cat to prove our point.
10 Cats Are Not the Feline Overlords of Doom They’d Like Us to Think They Are
You can’t blame cats for perpetuating the myth that they’re the Count Drogos of the animal kingdom. This cat has probably dumped any number of dead rodents and birds into the laps of its owners in an effort to prove to them that cats should not be messed with.
What this cat, and most others, won’t talk about in polite company is that the rodents/birds in question were probably already dead when they found them. In this respect cats are the guy in the pub who tries to pick a fight with the most inebriated, skinny and inoffensive individual they can find then runs for their life when it turns out that person has a very beefy alcohol-free designated driver who just quit cage fighting because they killed too many people in the ring.
9 Cats Are Super Possessive Assholes
What self respecting person would accept this kind of passive aggression from a friend, family member or partner? “Oh, you want to have people round? Very well. I will allow it, but cannot be held responsible if I happen to need to barf at some point.”
Somehow cats get away with being enormously possessive buttheads in situations where most humans would face criminal prosecution and jail time.
8 Cats Have No Concept of the Word ‘Share’
Let’s face it, cats are not natural socialists. In fact they’re the opposite. We’re pretty sure that’s a tremendously self-centred bastard, but when it comes to cats such terms are difficult to define. It might be argued that cats cannot help being natural narcissists who care only about themselves, or it might be further argued that they’re cuddly and cute so they can kind of get away with it. Either way, this cat has pushed the envelope (and its belly) to the absolute limit.
7 Cats Are Basically Socially Inept Psychopaths
The kind of admission that would cause Twitter to suffer an ‘outrage outage’ instantly becomes merely amusing when associated with the quizzical, seemingly innocent face of a feline perpetrator.
Cats are psychotic and bear a grudge like no other creature on Earth. Nobody knows what terrible insult dogs and mice inflicted on cats all those centuries ago, but boy are they paying the price and presumably will continue to pay the price since, to a cat, revenge is something that just keeps going until the sun explodes and swallows the Earth.
6 Just Highlighting Point 5 Again Really
Cats are small and, you might think, pretty easy to take in a fight. But actually the opposite is true, which anyone who has ever been attacked by a frenzied ball of spitting, hissing fur bristling with twenty deadly talons of doom will attest to.
Luckily, cats are fairly indifferent when it comes to humans. We feed them and allow them to poo on our beds, so we have earned something of a pass when it comes to ‘getting a good and regular kicking’. But spare a thought for the poor dogs and mice who must live their lives in a state of constant terror.
5 Cats Are Scatological Obsessives
Cats are endlessly fascinated by their own litter-box habits and think everyone else should be too. There are two holes of wonder for a cat. The one the food goes into and the one the food comes out of. Both serve as the centrepiece of the cat’s existence and if they aren’t obsessing about one, they’re attempting to use the other in a variety of interesting and surprising ways to ruin the lives of their owners.
See also Cats Barf A Lot.
4 If it’s Not One End It’s The Other
A natural follow-on from number 5. Cats are effectively furry food sink holes who temper the fact that they are constantly starving to death, even when they just ate, with an infuriating tendency to be very very fussy and very very vindictive if they suspect anyone is messing with their noms.
3 Cats Barf A Lot
Sometimes the most important thing in a cat’s life isn’t what’s going into hole number one but what’s coming out and, more specifically, where what’s coming out would best be deposited to infuriate my owner.
Shoes which have been carelessly placed in the closet where they live, a pile of freshly ironed clothes, a cereal box etc. All are prime spots for a good old Jackson Pollock. One place that is certainly never suitable is the toilet bowl or anywhere an owner might easily clean. Where’s the fun in that?
2 Cats are Evil Super Genius Masterminds
The best gifts are those that keep on giving. Only a cat could take such a sweet sentiment and turn it into an evil stroke of criminal genius.
1 Dogs Are Not So Innocent Either
In the interests of not putting the entire onus on our beloved cats, lets not forget that they are under an enormous strain most of the time as they must share their lives and their owners with dogs. Poor dogs. They do their best, but living with them must, for the average cat, be a little like job-sharing with a semi-intelligent dustbin.