People Who Start Sentences With 'So' are Literally Hitler, New Study Finds

A new study by the Institute for National Scientific Research into Insufferable Business Jargon (INSRiIBJ) has found that people who begin their sentences with the word ‘so’ are ‘literally Hitler’.

The study, which draws on research data from six different public opinion quangos, found that people who use phrases such as ‘at the end of the day’, ‘within my remit’ or ‘moving forward’ were considered merely Nazis by the general public, while people who replied to questions or began their sentences by opening with the word ‘so’ were considered to be the Nazi dictator himself.

Adolf Hitler – literally literally Hitler

In a statement accompanying the research, Jennifer Phillips, head of R&D at the INSRiIBJ said, “while some of the millions we polled merely considered people who begin their sentences with ‘so’ to be ‘the spawn of Satan’ the vast majority labelled them ‘literally Hitler’.

Adolf Hitler, the Austrian born tyrant infamous for invading Poland and France and sending millions of Jews to the gas chamber during World War II, was unavailable for comment following the release of the study, but is said by friends and family to be unconcerned by the comparison.

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Wife, Elga Herglezberg, who lives in exile with the elderly dictator on a witness protection program in Argentina, said, “Adolf has grown a thick skin over the years and doesn’t really care about this sort of thing anymore. He’s only interested in painting landscapes and brewing homemade turnip cider. Had you compared him to people who begin their sentences with the word ‘so’ just after he lost the war he probably would have sunk into one of his black moods, but now it’s water off a duck’s back. He’s really come a long way since the doctors put him on Citalopram.”

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Judith Crane, head of the National Organisation for Insufferable Business Jargon (NOfIBJ) defended the practise yesterday, saying:

“So, the helicopter view of the issue we have here is that everyone needs to get on the same page and square the circle. If you look under the bonnet and get all your ducks in a row, I think (moving forward) we’ll all find that a more pro-active approach is preferable, given our remit. Now, if we could all get on the same stategic staircase and run a few ideas up the flagpole, I think the makers of this study would find that an idea shower is the most relevant strategy for change. Let’s put that record on and see who dances, shall we?”

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