C-19 Update: Zombie Apocalypse Film Crews Take to the Streets in Droves

With half the nation self isolating, the other half working from home and the other half working in vital sectors of society keeping the cogs of civilisation turning, zombie apocalypse film crews have been emerging from the woodwork in their thousands to take advantage of empty streets, parks and national landmarks.

An extra in zombie attire takes to the streets of Milton Keynes

The Daily Shunt caught up with a film crew in Milton Keynes and asked director Adam Langley to give us the lowdown on this emerging trend.

“Directors across the world have a vast backlog of zombie screenplays they need to get done, but usually you can’t shoot on location because there are too many living people getting in the way.”

“I’m jealous of Italian and French directors right now. Places like the Eiffel Tower are usually off limits, even if you have a bunch of cash to bribe officials. You just can’t get near them. I have a mate in Italy who managed to complete a three hour shoot at the Leaning Tower of Pisa and he said there wasn’t even one tourist taking a photo of themselves pretending to hold the tower up.”

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Asked if shooting has attracted much attention, Langley said, “not really. We sometimes get tangled up with parents in their pyjamas doing the school run but otherwise Britain is one big ghost town.”

Producers working on The Mummy 12, which isn’t strictly a zombie apocalypse movie but does feature the undead in a starring role, explained how difficult it was to create a decent mummy costume amid a national toilet roll shortage. “We tried lettuce, but that didn’t work. Then one of our actors hit on the idea of not making another The Mummy film because frankly even the first one was shit. So we’re going with that and so far it’s worked out great.”

Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz ‘acting’

An extra on location in Durham told us what it’s like to dress up in an ugly suit and act like the living dead all day. “Well, I work in insurance so it’s business as usual for me.”

Film critics have warned that a glut of poorly financed amateurish zombie apocalypse movies could hit cinemas and blu-ray shelves when the Coronavirus pandemic subsides. “The last thing we need is horror movie goer IQs dropping any further. They already get excited over remakes of Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street for God’s sake. Overwhelm them with an endless stream of cut-budget zombie shite and they’ll literally turn into primordial ooze.”

Famous movie director Stephen Spielberg gave his two-cents on the phenomenon.

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Speaking on the phone from the retirement village where he has been incarcerated to protect him from himself, Spielberg said, “I really couldn’t give a flying fuck anymore. I made ET and Close Encounters of the Third Kind, won a bunch of Oscars and even went on Sesame Street, but what do I have to show for it? Bugger all that’s what.”

“Two dumb kids make a show called Stranger Things and suddenly they’re the hot ticket, but not old Steve. No. Old Steve sends a script into Netflix and they tell him he’s ‘no longer relevant’. Well, we’ll see whose no longer relevant. I’ve made my plans. I got the schematics off the internet and the plutonium from an old Arab mate who helped fund Memphis Belle. If you’ve got any shares in Netflix now might be a good time to sell them, if you know what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge.”

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