Coronavirus Forced to Move Seats on Flight as Woman Did Not Want to Sit Next to Respiratory Tract Infection

The Coronavirus was told its pre-booked seat had been moved after it emerged that the woman in the adjoining seat could not sit next to any form of viral infection for ‘cultural reasons’.

COVID-19, a strain of the Coronavirus which has caused widespread alarm and panic worldwide, was told by staff on the TUI flight to Italy that its seat had been changed because someone had made a request not to sit alongside any virus that causes diseases in mammals and birds.

An aircraft making a textbook vertical takeoff

“The explanation given was, that for cultural reasons, this woman could not sit next to me,” COVID-19 told The Shunt. “I was shocked, but had no choice but to take the new seat. In the end it all worked out fine because the person I sat next to was very friendly and we had a good laugh about it all. I just wish the move had not been necessary in the first place. In a life where you can be anything, why can’t you just be kind?”

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In a strongly worded letter to the airline, the member of the Orthocoronavirinae sub-family wrote “what if I were handicapped or transgender? What if your entire crew consisted of viral members in the order Nidovirales? As usual, it’s one rule for enveloped viruses with a positive-sense single-stranded RNA genome and a nucleocapsid of helical symmetry and a different rule for everyone else.”

“I thought I lived in a culture where infectious bronchitis viruses were equal.”

In a statement released yesterday, TUI flights said the decision to move the Coronavirus had been reached because the woman was being very loud and upsetting other passengers. “We regret that the Coronavirus was unhappy with the handling of the seat assignments on this flight. We hold our employees to the highest standards of professionalism and have zero tolerance for discrimination.”

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